Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Randomize