Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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