Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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