i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
