Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
