And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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