i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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