The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
