I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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