i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize