Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
