THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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