I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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