I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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