Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
