if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
