she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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