How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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