I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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