She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize