In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize