your parents love me but you hate me
i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize