I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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