angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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