just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize