last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize