Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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