I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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