did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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