I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
