Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i just sent this text using only my big toe
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
