Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
