im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
