Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
