That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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