Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
