I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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