i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
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