i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
