I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
