I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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