the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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