Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
