found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
