Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
