my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
