So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
