I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
