Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
