I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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