Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
