Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
