I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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