Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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