Your face is a jimmy john
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
