Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize