Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore

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(631): View more from New York

She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina

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(209): View more from California

nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw

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(206): View more from Washington

My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.

(415): View more from California

Why?

(206): View more from Washington

Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.

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(713): View more from Texas

The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.

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(256): View more from Alabama

I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!

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(706): View more from Georgia

six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.

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(360): View more from Washington

There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.

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(207): View more from Maine

You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume

(1-207): View more from Maine

what? where are you?

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