Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
