There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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