No stitches, just platelets and will power
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
