I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
