I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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