JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
