you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
its not stalking. its research.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
