i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
