So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just tell him i said nine months
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
