My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you had me at cake vodka
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
