His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
