Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
