You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
