woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
